I Look To The Skies…

I’m not depressed this year, but my heart still hurts…
It never ceases to amaze me
But the amount of time that has elapsed…
This shit still can’t be real
April showers, damn that’s right
Cuz there is nothing that will stop the tears that flow
I lost my grandmother to cancer
I wish it was just a sign
I lost my dear friend to sickle-cell
Complications; deaths scythe
The pain never dissipates
Never leaves
Never fails
How deceitful life is
It gives breathtaking vibrance
To cover shameless malevolence

Someone stole my tablet…
It had my pics of Tim on it
Thank God for FaceBook

And just one chance
To go back in time
Relive that one last hug
From Grama, before goodbye…

You two are my STARLIGHT
I look to the skies
I think about the days
The days I got the news
I shake my head
The weight of disbelief
Can you fathom how I feel?
Can you imagine my disgust with life?
I wanted to give my last touch
Last hold
Last kiss
last love
I look to the skies
I see you FLYGUY
I see you Grama
I know I’m okay…
I’m protected…
You’re free.

I look to the skies.

That was completely off the dome. Written for Marie Felder Rollock (Ascended 4.20.08) and Timothy Peter Lawhorn (Ascended 4.27.10). I still cannot believe that physically speaking to these 2 angels in disguise, is out of the question. I can’t give my Grama a call. I can’t hit Tim up for a pick me up. It’s still so surreal.


But life goes on and I will be there this weekend to see the both of you. It’s still mind-boggling that you are in the same cemetery too. I kind of forgot. Nonetheless, I will see you both. I can’t wait, but I dread it. All because I cannot hear you. I can’t hear you. It still hurts to say.

I love you both. Sleep In Peace.


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