No Mom, It’s Not Your Fault…

IMG_1363Yesterday, I read an article on Mused Mag Online that I was going to post, but I decided to put my 2¢ in this time. The article, For The Last Time, Single Black Mothers Don’t Make Gay Sons!, kind of struck a nerve, because when I think about it…

I’m a PROUD Gay Black Male and the final product of a single mother household.

Before I get into it, I did have a stepfather who was there and is still here, but in this scenario, he’s just that, my stepfather. I was raised by my mother.

In the post, the author, who goes by Amber Rose, speaks about the rant of Atlanta radio personality Tommy Sotomayer after young guys started openly rapping about “gay” sex. The rant starts:

“I want to say this before I start off: I have no problem with a persona’s sexual orientation or a person’s want or need for sexual experimentation. Now with that said, these boys are the reason why we need to stop claiming that black children don’t need their fathers.”

Where his basis for this comes from is beyond me, but coming from a single mom household, I strongly disagree. Also, having close friends raised in single mom households, show me otherwise. I actually think it’s quite disrespectful to all mothers who are or who have raised a gay son. No mother should ever feel this way. Yes, we are very malleable as children, but a mother is never the sole reason, if a reason at all, for her son being gay. I’m speaking to you from experience. My mother taught me many things, but none of those included emulating her entire being, and I mean ENTIRE.


Now back to the original thought… a question arose. Does my mother blame herself for me being gay?

Well Mom…

It’s not your fault. I knew LONG before I told you, I just didn’t know what to do with the feelings. I knew full well what I was doing when I acted on these feelings and they had absolutely nothing to do with you. I wasn’t acting maliciously or spitefully. I was doing what came natural to ME. When I figured it out for myself, I took it by the horns and ran. Then I told you. You said to me “What took you so long?”, and I knew it was okay… but a lot has happened since then.

Keep in mind, I have absolutely no idea if this is the way my mom feels. She never told me, but a lot has happened since 2007. It’s more of a gut feeling that I got after reading the article.

To my old lady, this isn’t meant to invoke feelings or a response… but if you read this and you do feel this way, it’s not your fault.



1 Comment

  1. I am your mother and proud to be your mother. I don’t blame myself and I don’t blame you. I knew you were different as a small child. I probably knew before you. When you finally admitted to me that you were gay, my exact words to you were, this will not make me love you any less. As your mom, my love is unconditional. Nothing you do or say can make me love you any less. YOU ARE MY SON, I WILL ALWAYS LIVE YOU!!
    Love always mommy


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